Disagreements over what people want in life happen in any relationship.
Some of the most common disagreements, such as money and resources, can be resolved by finding ways to accept each other and develop workarounds that help to get each partner’s needs met.
But, when disagreements loom over major life-changing decisions, getting beyond the hurdle of pain and doubt can feel impossible, and can lead partners to question compatibility.
“He wants a baby. I am not ready. He is hurt and doubtful that we will ever have children. I love him, but I fear that we may be incompatible at this point. Are we going to survive long-term as a couple? We disagree on other things, but this issue is major. How can we move past this?”
There is hope. You can claim This Love Works!
Compatibility of Relationship Values
Compatibility does not require agreeing with all your partner’s ideas or perspectives. It is okay to disagree. Healthy relationship compatibility is rooted in a foundation of common ground that starts with agreed-to relationship values, which include communication, commitment, respect, and compromise.
Compatibility always includes these values and actions:
Communication and Respect
Develop a mutual agreement to communicate. This means working as a team, and listening to your partner, even if you disagree.
Acknowledge your partner’s point of view and seek to understand and respect their perspective versus trying to change their mind.
Be honest about your feelings. Being open and honest will help you avoid feelings of resentment.
Communication goes beyond words. Use body language that shows that you are listening, committed, and that you possess respect.
The more relationship values that you share (mutual communication, honesty, commitment, respect, and compromise), the less incompatible you will feel. These values will help you recognize the ‘real’ compatibility that works for life’s challenges.
Compromise – Find a Solution that Works for the Both of You
Healthy relationships require flexibility and a mindset to not hold grudges. To not seek out which partner is right or wrong, but to find a creative solution that works for both of you.
“She does not want to have a baby now. I need to give her space without applying pressure. She did not say that she NEVER wants to have a baby, but just not at this time. We have agreed to address this issue in the future, and to simply enjoy life as it is today.”
When you communicate and work together to come up with a solution to the conflict that works for you both, you’re creating a win-win ending!
You don’t have to compromise, not really. The solution just needs to be one that both partners agree to and feel good about.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
Moving forward requires letting go of any resentment and anger.
Give your partnership a fresh start. Honor your relationship, and your partner, by letting go of any negative feelings from the past.
Let go of grudges by acknowledging them. “I wanted to have a baby this year, and I felt angry at my wife for holding back once again. But I do understand her perspective. She really is in a pivotal position in her career. She didn’t say no. I will not dwell on this. I choose to be positive.”
Remember, trust is a part of compatibility. To trust is to let go and move forward…to have faith in your relationship. It is impossible to look forward and backwards at the very same time!
Making Your Love Work
If you want to truly move on and heal yourself and your relationship, you must reach mutual decisions that work for the both of you, but this is not always easy, and you don’t have to do it alone. You and your partner can benefit from couples counseling.
Are you ready to have the relationship you’ve always desired – with the core elements in your relationship that solidify trust, understanding, and acceptance?