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Does Someone Always Have To Be Unhappy?
In this episode of the This LoveWorks podcast, Marianne and Kelly talk about the pressures couples face with juggling all the demands of life, work, plus making your marriage work.
It often seems one person in the marriage is unhappy. But, does this have to be true?
Does There Have To Be an Imbalance in a Relationship?
Often in a marriage, there comes a time when a couple has different interests, or different things that are important to each of them, and this can complicate the relationship, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
You just have to work together to figure it out. When a couple is unhappy, especially when it comes to trying to juggle the relationship, and the responsibilities of life like work, family, etc., it’s often due to a perceived imbalance.
And that imbalance usually stems from one of the five things that couples most often argue about, time and again.
Top Five Things That Couples Argue About
Mess
i.e. one person doesn’t think the other does enough housework
Money or Resources
How to spend or not spend the money coming into the household
Kids, Family or Friends
How to raise children, how much time to spend or not spend with each others’ family and friends, etc.
Sex or Affection
Often one partner feels they are not receiving enough sex or affection.
Work or Other Interests
Work or other interests outside the home, like hobbies, spending time with friends, etc.
Intentional, Structured Conversations Matter
Most couples don’t intentionally sit down and talk about how to manage these five things.
Many people – even married couples with kids – never sit down and try to manage a budget together, or decide who is responsible for which chores.
They don’t talk ahead of time about how they’re going to spend and save money, or how much time they want to spend with family, and how much time and other resources they want to devote to outside activities, etc.
When we’re not intentional about these things, we can run into trouble in our relationships.
When we’re in a couple, we need to recognize that we’re different people and the things that are important to each of us might actually be very different.
Most couples don’t do enough work to understand each other- one feels an imbalance and wants to talk about it, but it turns into a ‘you’ conversation – ‘you did that, you don’t do this enough.’ – when it should be an ‘I’ conversation – ‘I feel like this,’ ‘when you do that, I feel…’
When you have an intentional, structured conversation with your person about what’s important to you, and you are willing to listen to them about what’s important to them, this is what helps couples to feel happier, and like they’re on the same side.
